I’m Not Crying On Sundays

The phrase “I’m not crying on Sundays” was sung by singer Mary Lambert in the song “Same Love” by Macklemore and her new single “She Keeps Me Warm”. Mary Lambert is a Christian who happens to be a lesbian and was raised in a Pentecostal background just like me. I love this phrase because it represents the refusal to choose between who you are and your belief in God.

 

A few days ago, I had an argument with my parents about gay marriage and even though I didn’t expect it to go totally in my favour, I was shocked and saddened by how my resolve and support for gay marriage was crumbled by my parents arguments. They talked about the “slippery slope” of allowing gay marriage that it would then allow incest and I couldn’t counter the argument, I was tongue-tied. My mum talked about the usual arguments such as how it goes against nature and it can’t be love it has to be lust then she talked about how people who were “saved” from homosexuality and that some are now happily married  to the opposite sex. 

It felt awful the amount of opposition they had to it. Every reason they gave me for their opposition was like a dart hurting me one by one. I was on the verge of crying thinking, “maybe I was wrong, maybe it is a sin against God” but I couldn’t let my feelings totally show because they would’ve been suspicious as to why I am so passionate about gay people.  My hurt made me naturally think of going back to self-harm, I started looking up programs where they can “cure” me. But the self-hate abruptly stopped. I changed my hate to an anger of the church, anger at my religion, anger at the teachings. I realised that I’m not the problem its the teachings and the opinions which are. My individual mind became stronger and less submissive to teachings which are human interpreted which meant that it was open for re-interpretation. After that day, I stopped listening to particular pastors who had teachings which were against who I am and only listened to ones which talk solely on how I can improve my relationship with God. 

Now don’t get me wrong during the past few days I have been angry at my religion, but not God. I can never be angry at God because us humans are the ones who make ideas of who he is and what he believes to be sin or not.

This whole experience has made me stronger and less fearful of the uncertainties because I am an INDIVIDUAL with my OWN OPINIONS and everyone in the Christian faith has different perspectives on what God teaches us. There are many uncertainties and mysteries this world has but as the French philosopher Rene Descartes says, “I think therefore I am”.  

 I will not, “cry on Sundays” because I strive to not be ashamed of who I am because of a person’s opinion of my eternal future. Simple As. 

 

 

 

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One thought on “I’m Not Crying On Sundays

  1. ozob says:

    this is a powerful post. thank you for sharing, for persevering and for the strength you demonstrate. if you haven’t written it yet, i think it would make a similarly fantastic post to describe how you came to realize the transition and growth in priorities and understanding in this paragraph:

    “But the self-hate abruptly stopped. I changed my hate to an anger of the church, anger at my religion, anger at the teachings. I realised that I’m not the problem its the teachings and the opinions which are. My individual mind became stronger and less submissive to teachings which are human interpreted which meant that it was open for re-interpretation. After that day, I stopped listening to particular pastors who had teachings which were against who I am and only listened to ones which talk solely on how I can improve my relationship with God.”

    Maybe you don’t know…but if you have any clues, I’m sure others would appreciate it. As I’m sure you know…some never escape from the internalized hatred…

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